10 ways to boost your relationship

10 ways to boost your relationship - Even if you don't like all the fuss around Valentine's Day, take this opportunity to make some long-term changes in your relationship, to ensure a happier, more loved-up future

1. Share an activity

According to Devika Singh, psychologist at Dubai Herbal & Treatment Centre, a great way to focus on the future of your relationship is through shared activity. "Research on neurobiology in human relationships shows that engaging in recreational or functional activities together creates a sense of bonding. This is because of oxytocin, the cuddle hormone which is produced through activity and talking," says Devika. Whether it's watching movies, signing up for cookery classes, or going to the gym together, try and establish a routine for doing some things together as a couple. It is key to protect this together time from conflict, however. "If a pressing relationship issue comes up during this time, commit to discussing it at an agreed time in the near future," Devika suggests.

2. Find true forgiveness

Look inwards and ask yourself, what past hurtful acts of your partner have you truly managed to forgive? You may have been able to look past angry and bitter thoughts, and carry on, but these resentments continue to act as weeds in the relationship. "It does not mean that the relationship will not continue, but it does mean that it will not reach its full potential," says Dr Saliha Afridi, psychologist at Human Relations Institute. "Forgiving may mean that you two have to talk about the painful issues with a third person, or a therapist, or you may have to turn towards spirituality to process the pain and let go of the old wounds on your own."

3. Express gratitude

All too often, we take the help and support we get from our partners for granted - and forget to say ‘thank you'. In the same way you would thank a friend if you went to their home for dinner, you should also thank your partner for cooking you a lovely meal at home - or taking the trash out, or paying bills, or whatever little chore he has done. Showing your partner you appreciate what they do for you is essential for maintaining a happy relationship.

4. Eat healthy

When you eat a healthy balanced diet geared towards physiological wellbeing, you are also feeding your brain. "There are many different mechanisms by which the brain extracts what it needs from the diet, but one of the basics for this process is gastrointestinal health. Serotonin, the happiness hormone, is found in the gastrointestinal tract," Devika points out. Therefore, by promoting a general sense of wellbeing, you are creating more positivity in your relationships.

5. Make joint decisions

When you are making big or small decisions - whether it's where you move, what colour your new curtains should be, or where you go on vacation - make a conscious effort to consult your partner, and have an open mind, says Dr Saliha. "By considering their thoughts and feedback before making the decision, you are showing them that you respect them and their input," she says. "This sharing of ‘power' is one of the most important things for a relationship to be healthy."

6. Look for the secret button

In any marriage, each person needs to be aware of their partner's needs, says life coach Sahar Moussly. "You might think that you are giving everything to the relationship, but maybe you are not giving what your spouse really needs. The challenge is to find the ‘secret button' that works for that person, because if you don't, it can lead to frustration and disappointment, and the relationship will start to feel like too much hard work," she says. The basic human needs are comfort and security; variety (challenges that stimulate); the need to feel important; the need for love and connection; the need to grow and develop; and the need to contribute. Being observant about your partner's behaviour will help you work out what his priorities are. For example, is he feeling angry because his need to feel appreciated is not being met? Once you start understanding what is driving him, you can work at addressing that need, rather than reacting on a superficial level.

7. Don't overlook the little things

Don't wait for a birthday or Valentine's Day to do something nice for your partner. Make every day special by doing something small for each other or planning little surprises that show you care. This could be anything like a quick phone call to check on him if he isn't feeling well, picking up a muffin from the bakery on the way home, a midday text to say that you are thinking about him, or making his favourite food for dinner. "Too often we think the big things like expensive gifts or fancy vacations will boost our relationships, but research shows that it is consistent and small acts of kindness on a regular basis that are the most effective," says Dr Saliha.

Devika adds, "When pleasantly surprised, the mind-body system instantly goes into an arousal state. This rush of chemicals can create or enhance healthy feelings of attachment between partners."

8. Feng-shui your home

This ancient Chinese wisdom can be applied to all spectra of life, including relationships, to help enhance and strengthen them. Feng shui consultant Shivani Adalja (www.shivaniadalja.com) suggests these simple changes in your home: "Avoid placing water fountains or large fish aquariums in the bedroom, as moving water creates active energy that can create disharmony in the relationship; avoid keeping cactus or thorny plants in the bedroom as that can also lead to conflicts; display fresh flowers in the bedroom as they create a harmonious energy that helps bonding with your partner; and swap art of solo, lonely people for pictures that reflect happiness and togetherness."

9. Keep it funny

A sense of humour is critical for getting through common relationship hurdles. If your partner has an annoying habit, using humour when telling him about it, rather than nagging, will make getting your point across that much easier. Equally, playfulness is one of the main casualties of relationships, when you are bogged down by everyday stresses. Consciously seek out ways to find the humour and fun you enjoyed in the early stages of your relationship - there are few things that are as bonding as shared laughter.

10. Wave a magic wand

Sit down and make a list of all the changes you would want to see in your relationship, if you had a magic wand to wield. Ask your partner to do the same, but do this separately. The lists should include changes you want in your partner, as well as yourself - so be entirely honest, "This helps to gauge how each partner sees the relationship at a specific moment in time and how it can be improved. It creates the opportunity to commit to change, so both partners can take responsibility to create the relationship they want to be in." ( gulfnews.com )

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Ten Ultimate girlfriend mysteries solved!

Ten Ultimate girlfriend mysteries solved! - In this day and age, mankind has figured out how to engineer a nanoparticle to walk the dog, post a letter and empty the crumbs from the kitchen toaster.

And yet, your lady (or the lady you want) can still confound you with wants and needs you just don't understand.

Is there some way to hack into this FOS (Female Operating System)? Maybe an online translator that can interpret the language of the modern girlfriend?

Well, we can't explain every inexplicable thing she does. But we can highlight the most familiar (no doubt) scenarios and give you a cross-sectioned, 3-D snapshot of her brain at that moment along with a little bonus perspective.

Here, the top 10 confounding girlfriend mysteries, defounded:

10 ultimate girlfriend mysteries solved! (Thinkstock photos/Getty Images)

Mystery No. 1: She wears killer shoes .

She insists on wearing shoes that have no resemblance to the human foot, then complains that her feet are killing her.

Her brain : She knows how sexy these skyscraper heels make her legs look -- no matter what her weight. (Bonus: Unlike her other clothes, her shoes always fit since her feet stay the same size.) There is God.

How to handle : Don't even try to convince her that loafers are sexy. Besides, you too like how those heels make her legs look! Just make sure she has a chair, stool or lap to sit on at all times.


Mystery No. 2: She's fickle with frenemies.

She can go from best friend to mortal enemy with someone within 48 hours (and revert back in 72).

Her brain : They talk a lot more than guys, start talking younger, and in general, use a lot more words. So of course women argue more -- it's a numbers game.

How to handle : Is this really crazy behaviour? What do two boxers do at the end of bloody fight? They hug like old school pals. See, we aren't that different. Just try to jump ahead and envision her endgame, and you'll get fewer surprises.


Mystery No. 3: Her self-esteem is a fashion victim.

An article of clothing can make her feel thin or fat.

Her brain : Since she's been old enough to point and say "I want," she has been subliminally and not so subliminally programmed by marketing. Of course she actually believes that those trousers -- and this hairspray, that lip gloss and that perfume -- can actually make her into a different person (the pushup bra excluded, ingenious wicked invention that was).

How to handle : Tell her that nothing makes her look fat to you and that her skinny clothes indeed make her look very lean. She'll roll her eyes at how daft you are in the first scenario (Just look at my bum in that skirt! It needs its own postcode!) and smile at the second.


Mystery No. 4: She gets flash hunger attacks.

When she gets hungry, she has to eat "right now" or she'll faint. (Didn't she see it coming?)

Her brain : It's just wired more delicately when it comes to intake and output of energy. Because of hormonal changes throughout the month, at times she needs more "fuel" than others. Plus, she's by nature a caretaker, so tuning into her own grumbling stomach comes last. Result: You have that girl clawing at you to stop at a late-night kirana-walla for a snack of nuts ... or anything!

How to handle : Don't take this as a nuisance; see it as a fantastic opportunity to look like a great guy when you stop to get her a yoghurt or paratha.


Mystery No. 5: She clones her clothes.

She buys multiple items of clothing that look exactly the same.

Her brain : Girlfriend: "How does this look?" (You squint. Don't say it. Don't! We warned you.) You: "Don't you have one just like it?"

The consequences: She rewards you with a long list of reasons why the second identical little black thingie is better than the first.

How to handle : Instead of stating the obvious, the correct response would have simply been, "Great!" Plus, now you know what to get her for Valentine's Day: something that looks exactly like something she has.


Mystery No. 6: She bans many foods.

One food can become vilified virtually overnight. (Salad dressing has to be on the side etc.)

Her brain : Every week, magazine after magazine uncovers a new reason why everyone is obese. Add to this the Armageddon-like disaster of a hint of cellulite somewhere, and no wonder she can count a meal's calories faster than you can say, "We're ready to order."

How to handle : Encourage less neurotic eating habits, and make sure to over-tip the poor bullied waitress who was interrogated about e-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e ingredient in her dish.


Mystery No. 7: She's best friends with celebs.

She feels perfectly entitled to talk about an actress/singer/socialite and that celebrity's outfits/boyfriend/makeup in detail, though she's never actually met her (and probably never will).

Her brain : She's grown up with Kareena Kapoor and Katrina Kaif. Their pain has been hers; their struggles and successes hers as well.

How to handle : You can either fight the power by making her clarify "Kapoor" or "Kaif" every time or just know that it's one of 10 celebs who are pretty much interchangeable anyway.


Mystery No. 8: She preps forever.

"Throwing on some jeans" takes at least half an hour.

Her brain : Looking "spontaneous" takes time and effort. Her mental process: "Makeup, a touch-up with the curling iron ... hmm, maybe I'll floss while it warms up. Better cover up that spot too."

How to handle : Take a chill pill on this one.


Mystery No. 9: She hairballs the pipes.

Much like steel wool, small dense nests of her long hair clog the sink and shower drains constantly.

Her brain : She has to trim, colour, style, straighten, curl and fluff. We assume you don't.

How to handle : This is the price you pay for her beauty: having to yank this stuff out of bathroom pipes. Just look unphased.


Mystery No. 10: She's 360-degree self-obsessed.

She's as obsessed about looking as good from the back and sides as from the front (hence the yoga-inspired contortions in front of the mirror to inspect herself from all angles).

Her brain : Half the time people look at her, it's from the back, right?

How to handle : Keep in mind you benefit when you get a glimpse of that thong peeking out from her trousers- which she's totally aware of. See how it all works? ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Ten Ultimate girlfriend mysteries solved!

Absolute beginners in the art of pragmatism

Absolute beginners in the art of pragmatism - Writing about national character traits is always a tricky matter, but still more so in the case of Russia. In such a vast country you can find dozens of illustrations for any generalization you choose to make.

Speak about the “willing serfdom lasting for ages” (the most usual negative stereotype about Russia) and you will have volumes of examples at your disposal. But try to remember the world’s greatest fighters against serfdom and immediately a whole bunch of Russian names will pop up in your memory. This is one of the reasons why I won’t even discuss the primitive cultural stereotypes, such as “Russians are all drunkards” or “Russians are lazy.”

Such stereotypes are untrue – not only about Russians. Take Poles, once the primary targets of negative jokes in the Eastern bloc, who in the past 20 years built the most dynamic economy in Central Europe, outpacing the presumably more diligent East Germans.

Let’s take the stickiest points – respect for law and democratic procedures, and moral or immoral attitudes towards oneself and other people. Why do Russians care so little about elections? Why do they have so little confidence in courts and try to avoid court proceedings at all costs? The simple answers – because elections are not totally transparent and court independence is still under question – are not enough.

Absolute beginners in the art of pragmatism

In our history we have had periods when there was adequate trial by jury and decent elections. But even in the early 1990s, when elections were the best in Russia’s history and you could found your own political party in several days, most of my friends did not go to vote.

I keep asking myself, “ Why?” Could it be that they did not care at all? No. Most of them proved themselves to be remarkably caring parents, faithful friends, responsible professionals. What makes Russians suspicious of elections is our tendency to reach for the absolute – including absolute freedom. I remember a friend of mine who lost interest in presidential elections because he was 20 and only those over 35 years of age were eligible for the presidency. An old woman once told me: “What is the use of elections if they don’t make people better and happier?”

This kind of attitude may appear hopeless to the Western mind. In this context, one could cite the French, saying: “A person’s vices are a continuation of that same person’s virtues.” The modern Western world views a person primarily as a voter and a consumer – hence the almost religious reverence in which elections and the market economy are held. Russians are interested in a man in his entirety. Bud’ chelovekom is a typically Russian saying which can be roughly translated as “be human,” but which, in fact, means a lot more: be interesting, be humane, be free.

It is notable that no judge or lawyer has become a moral authority in Russia (Lenin being a lawyer only by education). But there have been at least four fiction writers who became such authorities in their lifetimes: Tolstoy, Turgenev, Dostoyevsky and Solzhenitsyn. The reason is probably that a writer views a human being as a person and not as a subject of law.

Do I mean that every modern Russian strives for the absolute? Of course not. However, this traditional type of Russian truth-seeker still abides. Insufficient attention paid to it on TV, in the theatre and cinema leaves a feeling of spiritual void in many people – hence, all the talk about the “spiritless” nature of modern Russian society.

This striving for the absolute is most visible in Russian revolutionaries, including modern day dissidents. Vladimir Bukovsky, a former Soviet dissident who emigrated to the UK in the Seventies, made a typical Russian move recently in trying to have Mikhail Gorbachev arrested during his recent visit to London for a gala devoted to his 80th birthday. For a pragmatic Western mind, Gorbachev’s achievements outweigh the brutal military interventions in Baku, Riga and Vilnius. For Bukovsky, anything short of ideal deserves arrest and not a birthday gala.

This “merciless logic of the Russian mind” (a 19th-century expression) makes no indulgence for the West either. This is what Bukovsky wrote about Great Britain in his book Notes of a Russian Traveller: “One of my main discoveries here was the monstrous Western bureaucracy and unbelievable submission to which it is treated on the part of the local population... The local officials are not afraid of complaints, since they are more independent of their superiors than the Russian ones. The pettier an official, the greater his power over you here.”

Bukovsky’s predecessor, Russia’s 19th-century political émigré Alexander Herzen, complained of “an inner policeman” lurking inside every Westerner, rendering him or her even less free than a Russian with an actual officer stood beside him.

Bukovsky’s book is full of examples of his fight against this Western bureaucracy (writing letters to the US Secretary of State in support of Russian émigrés who were denied American visas, etc.) A somewhat idealistic, but very Russian attitude.

There are many Bukovskys still living in Russia; the Western press makes heroes out of some of them. In many cases, it is right. Where it is wrong is the view that the modern West itself lives up to Bukovsky’s ideals. It doesn’t. So, is it fair to hold Russia up to these ideals?

Being masters of compromise themselves, people in the West should allow some compromise for Russians, too, and stop holding us to a different standard, albeit one invented by our own idealists. ( rbth.ru )

READ MORE - Absolute beginners in the art of pragmatism

The 'Silliest' Excuses Used By Benefit Cheats

The 'Silliest' Excuses Used By Benefit Cheats - A list of the top ten most "ridiculous" excuses used by benefit cheats has been published by ministers.

They range from the "I wasn't using the ladders to clean windows, I carried them for therapy for my bad back", to "It wasn't me claiming benefits, it was my identical twin".

Others include "We don't live together, he just comes each morning to fill up his flask".

Ministers say they are not amused, pointing out fraudulent benefit claims cost taxpayers £1.6bn a year.

"Benefit fraud is no joke, and yet our investigators are routinely dealing with bare-faced cheek and ridiculous excuses for stealing money from the taxpayer," said welfare reform minister David Freud.

He added: "Universal Credit (to come into effect in two years' time) will simplify and automate the benefits system. This will make it much easier to catch people who make false claims."

However, the chief executive of disability charity Scope warned against pigeon-holing people without jobs as benefits cheats.

"Stereotyping people who claim incapacity benefit won't help them find work," said Richard Hawkes.

"The Government really has to stop over-simplifying the debate on welfare and using unusual fraud cases to support changes which could have a serious and negative impact on the lives of hundreds of thousands of disabled people."

Here is the full list of the most ridiculous excuses used by benefit cheats:

• "We don't live together he just comes each morning to fill up his flask".
• "I wasn't using the ladders to clean windows, I carried them for therapy for my bad back."
• "I had no idea my wife was working! I never noticed her leaving the house twice a day in a fluorescent jacket and a Stop Children sign."
• "My wallet was stolen so someone must have been using my identity, I haven't been working".
• "I didn't know I was still on benefit."
• "I didn't declare my savings because I didn't save them, they were given to me."
• "He lives in a caravan in the drive, we're not together."
• "He does come here every night and leave in the morning and although he has no other address I don't regard him as living here."
• "It wasn't me working, it was my identical twin.
• "I wasn't aware my wife was working because her hours of work coincided with the times I spent in the garden shed." ( skynews )
  

READ MORE - The 'Silliest' Excuses Used By Benefit Cheats

The Seat of Embarrassment in Your Brain

The Seat of Embarrassment in Your Brain - Ever wonder why your pulse races and your heart beats faster and you start to sweat when you're embarrassed?

You can blame your pregenual anterior cingulate cortex, a thumb-sized region in the brain that seems to determine the size of your emotional response to, say, accidentally tripping in public or realizing that you've beamed an amorous email meant for your honey to your boss instead.

Virginia Sturm, a postdoctoral fellow at the Memory and Aging Center of the University of California, San Francisco, recently reported at the American Academy of Neurology annual meeting that changes in this part of the brain can regulate how much — or little — you're shamed.

She studied the size of this particular region of the cingulate cortex in both healthy controls as well as people with neurological disorders, and correlated these measurements with an embarrassment-inducing task: listening to themselves sing the Temptations' "My Girl" karaoke-style. "The smaller the region," she says, "the less embarrassed people were."

Sturm says emotions like embarrassment are slightly different from feelings like sadness and anger, because embarrassment involves a social element. Feelings like guilt, pride, shame and embarrassment all tend to occur in the presence of others, and result largely from how we think others perceive us.

What's interesting about the region of the cingulate cortex that Sturm identified is the fact that it connects to both higher-level behavioral networks in the frontal cortex, which regulate how we interact with others, as well as to more basal functions and automatic behaviors that are less under our control, such as heart rate and breathing.

Other parts of the cingulate cortex have previously been linked to depression, and deep brain stimulation of the area has helped some patients feel less depressed.

That means that treatments that stimulate activity in this part of the brain could help increase mindfulness in people with neurological disorders that make them too uninhibited or oblivious to the effect their behavior has on others. Conversely, suppressing activity in the region can help people with outsize embarrassment responses; perhaps, rather than suffering from social awkwardness, they could be helped to interact more normally with others. "There are lots of ways this region could affect emotional behavior," says Sturm.

In any case, it's nice to know that being embarrassed is a perfectly natural response — and a biologically built-in part of being human. ( time.com )

READ MORE - The Seat of Embarrassment in Your Brain

Get the perfect bikini body

Get the perfect bikini body - If you’ve zeroed in on the perfect bikini for this summer, you’ll want to make sure your body is tight and toned. Swimsuits can be unforgiving, so insure yourself against any boo-boos with these expert tips. According to Pooja Makhija, consulting nutritionist at Clay Wellness, Bandra, one of the key mistakes people make in the summer is supplementing water with sweetened beverages. “You might feel that you’re not getting enough hydration with just water, so you’ll opt for fruit juices or fresh lime sodas for refreshment.

But those empty calories are high in sugar content, which will show up on your problem areas like hips and stomach,” says Makhija. She adds that another error is skipping meals. “If you skip lunch because it’s too hot and you don’t feel like eating, you’ll be ravenous by evening and the resistance to unhealthy foods is lowered. You might reach out for a pakoda instead of fruit.” Makhija adds that the key is to eat smaller portions or substitute heavy food with lighter options. She reasons, “If you usually eat two rotis with rice, have only one. Or opt for soup and salad instead, which will leave you feeling full but not too heavy.”

Get fit fast

According to Namita Jain, clinical fitness specialist at Bombay Hospital, the key target areas for anyone looking to sport a swimsuit are the shoulders, chest and back, stomach, waist and legs. Jain assures that the whole process, with five minutes of warming up thrown in, shouldn’t take more than 15 minutes.

Back

Stand with feet shoulder width apart and lean forward from the hip while holding a dumbbell in each hand. Bend the elbow and lift arms up, keeping your elbows close to waist as you lift. Squeeze shoulder blades and lower. Repeat for 12-16 counts.

Abs

Lie on your back and bend knees placing feet on the ground. Place hands behind your head and raise shoulders off the floor contracting abdomninal muscles, before lowering. Repeat for 12-16 counts.

Waist

Stand tall, holding a dumbbell in each hand. Bend sideways to the right and straighten up again. Do 12-16 reps on right and repeat on left.

Legs

Stand straight and slowly lower your hips as if sitting on an imaginary chair. Make sure knees don’t extend over toes. Repeat for 12-16 counts.

Chest

For women, try a simple wall pushup. Stand about six inches away from the wall, with your feet shoulder width apart and place palms on the wall. Bend the elbows, bringing chest closer to the wall before pushing back. This tones the arms too. Repeat for 12-16 counts.

Shoulders

Stand tall, holding dumbbells in each hand. Bend your elbows so your hands are almost at ear level. Extend arms upwards and lower to the side. Repeat for 12-16 counts. ( hindustantimes.com )

READ MORE - Get the perfect bikini body

Spider's venom is being touted as the new Viagra and so is a new 'Between the sheets' diet

Spider's venom is being touted as the new Viagra and so is a new 'Between the sheets' diet - A brand new stimulant for a power-packed performance in bed is the venom of a Brazilian spider, touted to boost a man's libido. The revelation comes from the college of Georgia whose researchers have found that a single bite from the dangerous spider found in South and Central America can prolong a man's erection for four hours.

The pursuit of aphrodisiac or sexual stimulant is as old as Adam and Eve. Spanish fly, ginseng root, royal jelly, yohimbine and Vitamin E and Zinc are some of the largest selling sexual stimulants of modern times.

People have sought libido boosters from every conceivable source — from the tiger’s phallus to oysters to the root of mandrake to rhinoceros horn to antlers of deer; humans have caught hold of any item which remotely resembled aroused male or female genitalia. "Every culture in the world has attributed libidinous effects to objects, especially foods such as carrot or asparagus, which resembled the genitalia," says leading sexologist Dr Prakash Kothari.

However, their sexual powers remain debatable. "Such items just work by altering the mental state or by increasing the blood flow in the genitalia or by irritating the urinary tract, therefore remain the stuff of folklore," says Mumbai-based Dr Kothari.

NEW MANTRA SO BEFORE

You reach out for a spider or a beetle on the bedroom wall, here’s the latest and much safest way to fix the flagging libido.

Like many experts who hail good nutrition and regular exercise as the best aphrodisiacs, the renowned Dr Cecilia Tregear says that the kitchen is the best apothecary for sexual pleasure. London- based Dr Tregear, who has rekindled the sex lives of hundreds of distraught couples, has designed a ‘ Between the sheets diet’ for a healthy sex life.

"Good nutrition is essential for the healthy production of hormones which maintain the libido and allow for regular and fulfilling sexual activity," says Dr Tregear.

# 1 BEGIN WITH REWIRING YOUR NEUROCHEMISTRY

Supplying the right foods to your brain to keep the chemical activity going is Dr Tregear’s first commandment. "The biggest sexual organ is the brain, which produces the chemicals and hormones that trigger feelings of love and attraction, arousal and orgasm," she says.

"We need to make sure we're eating the right foods to ensure the production of these chemicals and hormones." For this, Dr Tregear advises a diet which boosts the dopamine levels. Dopamine is a feel-good chemical released by the brain. It is a neurochemical which is associated with a range of desires. It motivates people to pursue pleasure and drives you to have sex. So, next time you feel dull and lack a desire, blame the low dopamine activity in your brain.

It’s not just food but any kind of body work can kick up the dopamine levels. So, get yourself out of the house and take a walk to get a blast of dopamine.

Rx TO RAISE DOPAMINE LEVELS

• Fill your plate with oily fish, legumes, eggs and cottage cheese.
• They are high in protein and have amino acids, which help in the production of dopamine.
• Good sources of amino acids are found in red meat, milk and wheatgerm.
• Eat fruits like water melon, apples, bananas, blueberry and strawberry which are excellent sources of dopamine.
• In veggies, go for beetroot, beans and peas.
• Spices like black pepper, chilli peppers, cumin, fennel, flax seeds, mustard seeds, sesame seeds and turmeric are also useful.

# 2 REV UP YOUR ENERGY

The second commandment of Dr Tregear is to keep the energy levels super high. If you are listless and dull, sex is the last thing on your mind. So pep up your sex life by eating a healthy and balanced diet. And don’t forget to add foods that will increase your levels of Human Growth Hormone ( HGH). HGH promotes growth in humans and therefore builds up stamina and energy needed for a good performance. It is especially important in middle age as with the advancement of age, HGH production naturally declines.

Rx FOR MORE ENERGY

• Eat protein from beef, fish, and chicken to increase production of HGH. Root vegetables such as carrots and parsnips can also help, as canned low- sugar fruits, such as blueberries.
• Thyroid hormones help us to maintain energy. To work, the thyroid needs iodine, which is found in kelp, seaweed, oysters, clams and tuna.

# 3 WATCH THE HORMONES

A fine balancing act between the hormones is essential to improve your performance.'

Estrogens, androgens (also testosterone) and DHEA are the major hormones responsible for sexual arousal. Estrogen plays a big role for women in creating vaginal lubrication and maintaining the condition of vaginal lining. For many women the no.

One cause for losing sex drive in the middle age is the physical changes in the vagina which make intercourse painful. These physical changes are brought by the drop in estrogen levels. In men estrogen may cause erectile difficulties when the levels are too high.

However, the real libido or sex hormone is testosterone which affects both genders. Large deficiencies of testosterone may cause a drop in sexual desire, and excessive testosterone may heighten sexual interest in both sexes. "Males with below normal testosterone levels have erectile problems, resulting in low libido," says Dr ( Col) V K Wadia, consultant, psycho sexual medicine, Adiva Infertility Clinic.

While the market is full of testosterone boosting products the author says its best to eat well to keep the hormones in balance. 'A good balance of animal fat in meat and fish and good cholesterol, found in eggs for example, encourages the production of sex hormones, improving libido,' says Dr Tregear. Oysters are the most popular aphrodisiac due to their high zinc content. Zinc is necessary for the production of testosterone in both sexes. Other libido-boosting foods are asparagus, figs, almonds, eggs, basil, bananas and celery.

Rx TO MAINTAIN HORMONE BALANCE

• Eat foods high in zinc such as beef, pork, chicken liver, pumpkin seeds, eggs, seafood and tofu.
• Avoid excessive amounts of fibre which lower estrogen by stopping its absorption. Having cereal and toast for breakfast is the worst thing you can do for your hormones. ( yahoo.com )

READ MORE - Spider's venom is being touted as the new Viagra and so is a new 'Between the sheets' diet

Sexless in the city

Sexless in the city - With all the recent attention-grabbing headlines on nudity and public displays of affection, it would seem that Singaporeans are becoming more open about sex.

However, this is not the case for some couples whom gynaecologist Dr Yong Tze Tein sees at her clinic.

A senior consultant at the Singapore General Hospital's department of obstetrics and gynaecology, Dr Yong has seen her fair share of married couples who have sexual dysfunction and problems consummating.

In the past two to three years, she has seen 12 such cases - a figure which represents only the tip of an iceberg, since most people are too embarrassed to come forward and admit their problem.

A majority of the couples Dr Yong sees are in their 30s and have been married for a few years. They end up being referred to her when they are unable to successfully conceive.

According to Dr Yong, the sexual dysfunction issues she has seen are varied. For instance, there was a female patient with an anatomical problem - her hymen was so thick that it was impossible for sexual penetration to occur - and surgery was required to fix that.

Sex - What's that?

Interestingly, Dr Yong also sees couples who are clueless about the "birds and the bees".

"We've seen couples who try to have sexual intercourse but do not succeed, so the women end up not having any actual penetration. They are either not very sure what to do or have misconceptions about how sex is like," said Dr Yong, who recommended that both husband and wife see her at the same time for treatment.

Occasionally, the problems are more deep-seated and require a multi-disciplinary approach, with the help of an urologist and psychologist.

Sexual dysfunction becomes a challenge to treat when there are psychological problems or if either spouse is not open to treatment.

Take Jessie and Mark (not their real names) for instance. They have been married for several years but have not consummated their marriage.

While Jessie was eager to get professional help, Mark was embarrassed and unwilling to open up about his sexual problems.

"You could sense the wife's frustration and the husband's avoidance towards the issue. He made excuses like how he found sex very ticklish. He was always absent during consultations. I told his wife it was not possible for me to treat them when one party is always not around. You need two willing people to make sex happen!" said Dr Yong.

Mark's reaction is not uncommon. According to Dr Yong, men find it harder to talk about their sexual problems.

Left untreated, sexual dysfunction can become a chronic issue, making it harder to treat. Dr Yong advised couples to seek help early if they encounter problems.

Touching Base

While it is impossible to say how much sex is healthy, Dr Yong recommended couples to "touch base" at least once a week.

"Who are we to say that it's not right for a married couple to not have sex? But making love demands some form of trust and shedding of inhibition. If there's no sex in a marriage, then the couple wouldn't have truly experienced that level of intimacy," she said. ( channelnewsasia.com )

READ MORE - Sexless in the city

¿Por qué las parejas terminan por parecerse entre si?

¿Por qué las parejas terminan por parecerse entre si? - Pese al popular adagio que sostiene que los opuestos se atraen, lo cierto es que en cuestión de amores lo que nuestro corazón busca es a alguien que se le parezca para envejecer junto a alguien de gustos similares.

El psicólogo Rober Zajonc, de la Universidad de Michigan, realizó un experimento para comprobar este fenómeno. Analizó fotografías de parejas tomadas el día de su boda y las comparó con imágenes tomadas 25 años más tarde.

Los resultados mostraban que las parejas habían envejecido pareciéndose más el uno al otro. Y cuanto más felices habían sido, más parecía incrementarse el parecido físico.

Zajoc sugirió que las parejas terminan por parecerse porque pasan mucho tiempo juntos, por lo que terminan imitando las expresiones faciales de su acompañante.

La cosa viene a ser así: si tu pareja posee un gran sentido del humor y se pasa el día riéndose, lo más probable es que con el tiempo desarrolle arrugas alrededor de la boca. Y a ti también te pasará.

También hay quien opina que los hombres y mujeres podrían sentirse inicialmente atraídos por parejas con personalidades similares. En el año 2006, científicos de la Universidad de Liverpool pidieron a los participantes en un estudio que visionaran fotos de hombres y mujeres y juzgaran sus personalidades.

Los participantes no sabían con quién estaba casada cada una de las personas que aparecía en las fotos, pero cuanto más tiempo habían pasado juntos más sencillo resultaba juzgar si tenían personalidades similares. Los investigadores concluyeron que poseer rasgos de personalidad atractivos podría hacer a su vez hacer más atractivo el rostro de una persona.

De hecho, podría incluso resultar que estamos "cableados" para enamorarnos de personas que portan ADN similar al nuestro en algunos aspectos. En un estudio realizado con gemelos, científicos de la Universidad de Ontario Occidental descubrieron que los participantes en el estudio no solo tendían a elegir parejas con genes similares; sino que las esposas de gemelos idénticos se parecían más entre si que las esposas de gemelos no idénticos.

Resumiendo, las parejas podrían empezar a parecerse el uno al otro simplemente porque - en cierto modo - ambos integrantes ya eran parecidos. ( Livescience )

READ MORE - ¿Por qué las parejas terminan por parecerse entre si?

Creative Strategies to Help You Make Time for Dating Relationships

Creative Strategies to Help You Make Time for Dating Relationships - Finding the time for single parent dating relationships is definitely a challenge. After all, you're busy with work and raising your children! How do you make the time to start dating again without taking too much time away from your other responsibilities? These suggestions will help:


1. Participate in Social Activities as a Family


There are many opportunities to build an active social life alongside your children. For example, think about the activities offered through your church, synagogue, or community group. What's unique about a group social setting is that you have the chance to interact with a lot of people at once, and you can get a sense of who you might want to see again. This way, you're not "wasting" another Saturday night on someone you don't know at all and might not want to see again.


2. Have Lunch with Someone You Might Like to Date


Lunch is a very non-threatening and non-committal setting for getting to know someone. There's little room for either person to assume any hint of commitment following a friendly lunch! Plus, regardless of how busy you are lunch is something you should be stopping for every day, anyway, right? So consider getting a slice of pizza or a quick sandwich wrap with someone you'd like to get to know better.


3. Go Out for a Latte


Having a latte is a great way to unwind, and it makes for a quick dating opportunity. You'll have the chance to get to know the other person, talk about what's important to you, and then step back and think about whether you'd like to go out again. This might require an hour of your time, and it would serve two important purposes: the chance to relax for a few minutes, and the chance to get to know a potential new friend.


4. Meet at the Gym


I'm not suggesting that you seek out potential dates at the gym (though that could be fun). I'm suggesting that once you've met someone you might like to get to know better, if you're both committed to working out regularly, plan to coordinate your workouts. Again, this doesn't have to involve a huge commitment. "Hey, I'm going to gym Friday morning; want to join me?" You talk across the treadmill, share a few laughs, and get a sense of whether this is something you'd like to pursue.


5. Schedule a "Date" on a Saturday Afternoon


Daytime is a great time to get to know someone better! Again, it doesn't imply a commitment; it's simply an opportunity to have fun and get to know someone better. Try playing a round of miniature golf or visiting a museum together. If you really want to get to know someone - which is the idea if you're trying to decide whether to invest more time in a potential relationship - look for activities that will allow you plenty of opportunities to talk and laugh with one another. ( about.com )

READ MORE - Creative Strategies to Help You Make Time for Dating Relationships

Before You Start Dating Again as a Single Parent

Before You Start Dating Again as a Single Parent - As a single parent, thinking about dating doesn't just affect you; it affects your whole family. Before you start dating again, take the time to prepare yourself and your kids.


Make Taking Care of Yourself a Priority


Taking care of yourself shows self-respect, and it's also a reflection of your personal boundaries. Think about it. The people who are willing to invest some time and energy in taking care of themselves are also willing to invest in their personal relationships, right? So make the commitment to start taking care of yourself now, and view it as good practice for the investment of time and energy you plan to make in a future dating relationship. After all, if you don't even have time to take care of yourself at this point, how can you even think about adding another person to the mix?


Widen Your Circle of Friends


Don't limit yourself to seeking out "dates." Instead, make an effort to establish deeper friendships all around. Who do you know at work or from your child's activities that you'd like to get to know better? Introduce yourself and establish a friendship. It's doesn't even matter if these are men or women. In reality, the relationships will enrich your life, and these new friends will also introduce you to their friends, who might be great companions.


Get Out of the House Regularly


This sounds simple, but it's an important aspect of readying your kids for your future social life. After all, when they're accustomed to your going out occasionally, dating won't seem like such a shock to their routine. So don't hesitate to hire a sitter and get out of the house. Go see a movie or browse in a bookstore - think of it as preparation for a lively social life.


Be Observant


Start paying attention to the relationships around you. What do you notice? What do you respect? What qualities do you appreciate in others? This is actually one good reason to seek out some married friends. They can help you identify not only what you're looking for - but also what you're not.


Talk With Your Kids About Dating


Spend some time talking with your kids about your desire to date. They have a right to know whether you're building casual friendships or whether you really hope to get married again (or for the first time). Be honest with their questions and don't be afraid to say, "I'm not ready to answer that at this time." Look, your kids are your family. Of course, you can't predict the future, but you can clue them in to your intentions. Think of your honesty at this point - before you've even begun to date - as a seed which will grow into their future acceptance. ( about.com )

READ MORE - Before You Start Dating Again as a Single Parent

Making relationships work through positive communication

Now you're talking: making relationships work through positive communication. Dr David Burns is a cognitive therapist specialising in relationship management. In his fourth column, he offers advice on how to make troubled relationships work.

In bad communication, you treat the other person in an adversarial, condescending or competitive way

Most people don't do a very good job of listening. When they're upset, they don't acknowledge how the other person is feeling and insist that the other person is wrong. Next time you have a row with someone, keep a mental list of whether you are guilty of the following errors:

• Truth. You insist that you are right.
• Blame. You imply that the problem is all the other person's fault.
• Defensiveness. You argue and refuse to admit any flaw or shortcoming.
• Martyrdom. You claim that you're the victim of the other person's tyranny.
• Put-down. You speak harshly to make the other person feel inferior or ashamed.
• Labelling. You call the person names.
• Sarcasm. Your attitude, words, and tone of voice are belittling or patronising.
• Counter-attack. You respond to criticism with criticism.
• Scapegoating. You imply that the other person is defective or inadequate.
• Diversion. You change the subject or list past grievances.
• Self-blame. You act as if you're awful to avoid criticism.
• Hopelessness. You claim that you have tried everything, but nothing works.
• Denial. You deny your role in the problem or insist that you're not upset.
• Help. Instead of listening, you give advice or "help".
• Passive aggression. You say nothing, pout, or slam doors.
• Mind reading. You expect the other person to know how you feel.

Now lend me your EAR…

Good communication involves: skilful listening (empathy), effective self-expression (assertiveness), and caring (respect). The acronym EAR will help you to remember these three components.

Empathy is the first characteristic of good communication. Empathy means that you listen and try to see the world through the other person's eyes. You find some truth in what the other person is saying, even if his criticism of you seems unfair or his point of view is very different from yours. You also acknowledge how he or she is probably feeling.

Being assertive means that you are able to express your feelings openly, using "I feel" statements, such as "I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable right now". You share your feelings tactfully, so the other person won't feel put down. In contrast, in bad communication, you hide your negative feelings or act them out aggressively. For example, you might lash out at the other person, which will trigger more conflict.

Respect Treat the other person with kindness, caring, and respect, even though you may feel frustrated and annoyed. In contrast, in bad communication, you treat the other person in an adversarial, condescending or competitive way. ( telegraph.co.uk )

READ MORE - Making relationships work through positive communication

Rebound from Rejection

Rebound from Rejection. Jilted exes are notorious for a few post-breakup reactions: sobbing for hours on end, shredding pictures, spitefully spilling secrets and rumors about their ex, and swearing off the dating game entirely.

Many people respond to job search rejection the same way. Whether they’re ripping rejection letters into teeny tiny pieces, vowing never to job search again or insulting a company that didn’t want them, job seekers share a lot of similarities with heartbroken singles.

According to Shawn Graham, co-author of “Courting Your Career” (JIST © 2008), many of the ways people should—and shouldn’t—behave in the dating game apply to how one should conduct a savvy job search. Rebounding from rejection is no different.

“During your job search, rejection is practically inevitable. In this situation, the last thing you want to do is beg for another chance, lash out and tell the recruiter he or she is making a big mistake, or promise that you can change. This strategy doesn’t work when you get dumped by someone you’re dating, and it definitely won’t work when you’re rejected by an employer,” Graham says.

Don’t take it personally.

Rejection can immediately spark feelings of self-blame. Questions such as, “What’s wrong with me?" "Why don’t they think I’m good enough for the job?" or "Was it something I said?” may be just a few of the things job seekers ask themselves to make sense of the situation. Remember, just like the dating game, sometimes not landing a job offer really has nothing at all to do with the candidate.

For example, a job seeker may have been stellar throughout each round of interviews and made a lasting impression on hiring managers. Because the organization pressured the manager to promote an internal employee, however, the stellar job seeker was not offered a position.

“Any number of factors, including some that were in your control and some that weren’t, could have played into the company’s decision to pass you over in favor of somebody else,” Graham declares.

Get feedback on why you were rejected.

Had a dozen first-round interviews but not a single second-round interview? OK, by now there is a good chance you are doing something wrong. To find out what it is, job seekers should gather feedback from the organizations that reject them. It will take some courage to ask and it’s dangerous to sound too pushy, but it’s the best shot job seekers have at understanding how to be more successful.

“The best way to ask for feedback is to distance yourself from the position for which you were turned down. Focus on the fact that you would like general feedback about how you can improve your candidacy for future opportunities,” Graham says.

“When gathering feedback, sending an e-mail is often more effective than calling first because it allows the person you’re contacting to gather his or her thoughts before speaking with you over the phone.”

Don’t be surprised to find many employers will be reluctant to disclose information about the interview performance. Everything from privacy policies and possible lawsuits to time constraints and fear of a confrontation could keep job seekers in the dark about where they went wrong.

“But it doesn’t hurt to try,” Graham adds.

Build a support network.

Being rejected is never easy, but it doesn’t have to be a heart-wrenching experience, either. To cope with distressing times in the job search, it’s helpful to have a built-in support system made up of friends, family members, mentors or a career coach. These people can lend the invaluable advice, encouragement and additional perspective job seekers need to fuel their job search with positive energy.

“Remember, just as in the world of dating, there are always other fish in the sea. If things don’t work out with one job, there are definitely going to be other opportunities. The more you’re able to stay positive and gather feedback from those who didn’t make you an offer, the greater your chances of landing a job,” Graham says. ( msn.com )

READ MORE - Rebound from Rejection

Never too old for sex!

Never too old for sex!. Age is only a number! You are as old as you feel! These are just a few of the phrases one hears about age and yes, there is an uproar of approval to this phenomenon.

Sex over 65 still makes people do a double take. The mere thought of older people having sex, and enjoying it, too, brings on embarrassment and disbelief from their children and relatives. However, there are many active ‘oldies’ who feel enthused and youthful by great sex. Shares 63 year-old housewife Swati Sinha (name changed), “Being sexually fulfilled is a basic human need. Those who say that it dies with age; I would want them to introspect about their relationship.”

A common scene at a kitty party would also give you a good insight. Women above 60 are most comfortable talking about sex and the kind of jokes that do the rounds are likely to put any teenager to shame. Says Sunita, on condition of anonymity, “Just because I am 60 doesn’t mean that my sex life doesn’t exist! I attribute my healthy body and glowing skin to my active sex life. I believe that sex gets better with age. You start to feel comfortable in your body and you know what you like. It’s no more experimental.” On the other hand, there are many who go through a lull and then experience sexual renewal. Says Jyoti Sharma, writer, “I got married at the age of 23. Sex in the last 15 years of my marriage was almost non-existent. And the few times that we did do it, there was never any foreplay. It was simply a matter of getting down to business. But when both my daughters got married, my husband and I rekindled the spark and it was so rejuvenating. Today it’s a different story. I feel like a young and beautiful person. I am enjoying every bit of it!”

Some also stop enjoying it because they are stuck in a bad marriage. “My ex-husband made me believe that I was this unattractive ‘elderly’ person. I never even felt like having sex for years at a stretch. But when I met my present husband two years ago, we had the best sex of my life! He infused so much life in me,” shares 56 years old Madhumita Pandey, mother of three.

Agrees 67 year-old Ram Sharma, a Delhi-based businessman, “My first wife was always uninterested in sex. Not that we split because of lack of sex, but I guess somewhere down the line, it didn’t complete our relationship. I remarried Neerja, 59, and we have a roaring sex life and we both are enjoying life!”

Desires don’t die with age, but at some places it’s the kids who make it awkward. “My parents are not the usual parents. They hold hands in front of everyone. They hug each other often in public and that embarrasses me. Why can’t they act their age?” says a worried Punit Chaudhary, an HR manager. It’s very important for kids to understand that just because their parents are ageing, they cannot stop living. “It’s best to let them be without making them feel conscious. Ask couples who live sans sex (or love),” suggests relationship expert Sahil Kapur.

A recent survey revealed that women over age 50 plus no more plan to take on a quiet life; instead they want to have the most adventurous time. Even movies like Sex and the City and Mamma Mia showed older women to be fun and sexy. Model Noyanika Chatterjee opines, "People today have overcome the barrier of age. With age comes a certain amount of surety and confidence that adds to the overall persona.” A Mumbai-based cosmetologist once had a 70 year old client asking for a facelift. So if one can be so particular about their looks, wouldn’t they like to be active sexually as well?

And it’s not just about the face anymore. Fitness routines are not far behind. Fitness expert Leena Mogre says, “Women who have crossed their 50s often come to me. These women realise their physiological state and want to experiment with different styles of fitness routines such as aerobics, Pilates and power yoga.” Staying fit at a later age always helps in living a life sans illnesses. Hence, leading to a sexually superior life!

Theatre personality Lushin Dubey who's now in her 50s adds, “I feel sexy today but in a different way. For me, my old age charm is my sex appeal. I view myself as someone with spunk, bagsful of energy and plenty of internal joy. My wise and intelligent self knows the person I am today.”

So, here’s cheers to aging gracefully yet loving and living life! ( indiatimes.com )

READ MORE - Never too old for sex!